


this whole thing smacks of gender

by mathonwys



Series: i'm looking at you through the glass [4]
Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Autistic Lalna, Coming Out, F/M, Flux Buddies, New Camelot, Nonbinary Character, Other, Panda Labs, Probably ooc, Trans Character, genitals talk, not directly referred to but it's there, pronouns are a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 18:32:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4148403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mathonwys/pseuds/mathonwys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Y-- I-- Lalna, why do you have tits?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Well, why ain't I got tits?" he asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You're my apprentice, and you don't even know I have tits?"</i>
</p><p>Gender discovery can be pretty weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this whole thing smacks of gender

**Author's Note:**

> this is very self-indulgent im sorry
> 
> first half takes place before "borrowing time", second half takes place after "i don't know much about your life beyond these walls". originally they were both set to happen post-"beyond these walls", until i remembered that Nano gets a close-up look at Lalna's chest in "borrowing time" so it didn't make sense for her to react that way, aaaaand she didn't comment on it during "borrowing time" (because i didn't have this headcanon for Lalna yet) so~
> 
> "but why is Lalna working with his labcoat on but shirt off" why not
> 
> (his shirt got burned in the smelter because he keeps falling in. he's autistic and gets very self-conscious without his labcoat because it's a comfort object. there.)

The soft glow from the Flux scattered swirling patterns throughout the dark room. The sun hadn't risen yet, but Lalna's bed was already empty across from her. Nano sighed heavily through her nose and scrunched up in her sheets to try and hide her irritation. No doubt he was banging around downstairs and setting even more things on fire that she would have to clean up afterwards. It was tempting to just stay here. But, while Nano would never admit it out loud, she was lonely. She and Lalna were rarely ever apart, and even in this sort of situation she dearly missed her dorky scientist.  
  
So, with a lot of protest, she climbed out of bed and hobbled over to the staircase. "Lalna!" she shouted down the hole. "Lalna, you idiot, what are you doing **_now_**?!"  
  
There wasn't a response. Nano wrinkled her nose and started to climb down, muttering all the while. The sun was due up in a few minutes, so it wasn't the early awakening bothering her; rather, it was the lack of response worrying her. He'd been hard at work at the smelter, that much was for sure, but... what if he'd gotten injured? Maybe he dropped a block on his head, or...  
  
...or maybe he was sitting by the smelter, cursing through his teeth, and topless.  
  
"Bloody thing won't work, damnit am I going to have to go down in the fuckin' mines again and get more lava..."  
  
Maybe "topless" wasn't the best description. As ever, Lalna had his faithful labcoat on, but the shirt he always wore underneath it had been discarded. It now lay in a heap atop one of the crafting tables, where Tiddles had converted it into a bed. He seemed completely unaware of Nano's presence; instead he was more focused on checking to see if anything in the smelter had gotten blocked or just plain broken. Which gave Nano plenty of time to stare.  
  
"Y-- I-- Lalna, why do you have _**tits**_?"  
  
Lalna jumped, then whirled around to gawk in her direction. "Well, why ain't I got tits?" He asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You're my apprentice, and you don't even know I have tits?"  
  
"No, this is new to me!" Nano shot back. "Are you one of those... trans... transcended people? But you've got a beard?"  
  
"Science," Lalna replied proudly. "And genetics, but _**mostly**_ science." They braced themself on the smelter to get to their feet. "And it's transgender, and yes." The scientist raked their hand through their fluffy hair and studied Nano. The apprentice returned the gaze and did her best to not let her eyes drift downward.  
  
"Okay... So like, which way? You know?" Nano gestured. Lalna continued staring. "Uh, what did you start out with?"  
  
"Oh!" Lalna slapped their forehead with a gloved hand with a sound loud enough to make Tiddles jump. "These aren't new. I'm a guy. It wasn't until sometime before Tekkit that I was open about it, though." He smiled a little. "No one else had a clue. You're the first one to ask, actually."  
  
Nano sat down on the staircase and cupped her chin in her hands as she watched Lalna work. "So... Is Lalna your birth name? I mean-- god, sorry, that's _**super**_ rude. But... _**is**_ it?"  
  
"No, and that's none of your business." He laughed. "Some Yoglabs paperwork still has me down as 'Livid'-- that's not it, that was just the name I used before. 'Lalna' stuck better though."  
  
"Livid? _**Really**_?" Nano covered her mouth as she laughed. "You fucking nerd. What kind of name is that?"  
  
"What kind of name is Nano?" Lalna teased in return. He hesitated when she went silent. "...Nano?"  
  
"No, it's nothing." She stood up and wandered over to pet Tiddles between the ears. "C'mon you big palooka, the smelter can wait a few more hours. Let's get some sleep."

 

* * *

  
It wasn't until several months later that the subject came up again. Swords were forged and tested, cats died, a new base was set up, and Lalna had prodded into Nano's mysterious past. Not long after, the two Flux Buddies were sharing a couch while Lalna squinted at an instruction manual. Most of their conversations back in New Camelot were forgotten; too much had happened since then for the details to stick. Nano grumbled and turned the work-in-progress poppet over in her hands as she stitched a seam closed. Lalna himself was quiet, but after the time spent together Nano could hear the soft whirr of his augmentations.  
  
"Don't jostle my boob," Lalna complained as Nano wriggled into a more comfortable position. The apprentice snorted with laughter and elbowed him on purpose. " ** _Don't jostle my boob_ _!_** What's _ **wrong** _ with you?"  
  
"Your boob is in the way." Nano rolled her eyes. Lalna sputtered in indignation.  
  
"Boobs are always in the way! They're boobs, that's what they _**do!**_ " Lalna slammed the manual closed and crossed his arms with a huff. "It's bad enough doing science with these bloody things in the way."  
  
"Never had that problem," Nano drawled.  
  
Lalna stopped and gave her a confused look. "...What?"  
  
"Yyyyou know how you asked 'what kind of name is Nano' like, forever ago?" She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and set the poppet aside. "Uh, funny story, I don't know how to say this..."  
  
He raised his eyebrows and leaned in. "Come on, spit it out. I'm curious!"  
  
"Fine, alright, I'm trans-gendy too," Nano snapped. "Or, whatever it's called, I don't know! I never really thought about it, or anything. You got boobs and you're a guy, I don't have boobs and I'm a girl, that kind've thing. Or maybe I'm not a girl, I dunno!" She threw her arms out and huffed.  
  
"It's all too big of a mess, if you ask me. I had no idea what was going on, though, so I figured I was just being weird! I mean, I woke up in the Nether with no memories, long hair, and a dick in my pants, so I figured I'd just roll with it! You know, see what feels right?"  
  
Lalna stared at Nano in shock. "...And you've known this for _ **how**_ long?"  
  
"Took me a while after you came out to me," Nano admitted in a soft grumble. "Like I said, I never thought about it. It's not like anybody knows; you're the first person I've told. _**Ever**_."  
  
"Wow." Lalna coughed. "I'm... I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me all this, Nano."  
  
"Don't mention it," they muttered. They didn't pull away when Lalna placed a reassuring hand on their back and started rubbing it. Nano pouted and cuddled closer to him like a fairly irritated cat. "If word gets out, you better watch your back. You hear me?"  
  
"Yeah." Lalna laughed. "So, uh... What pronouns do you use?"  
  
"I can't decide." Nano groaned. "I mean, I don't mind being called 'she', but that doesn't always fit, you know? And I heard about those 'neo-pronoun' things, and was thinking about like uh, Flux pronouns, but that's kind've dumb." She kicked her legs a little. "How did you settle on it?"  
  
"Well, I'm a binary guy," Lalna admitted. "It sounds like you're non-binary, though, so it's gonna be a lot harder for you. Uh, just... I'm with you every step of the way, yeah?"  
  
"Yeah." Nano closed her eyes. "...Thanks."  
  
"Hey, it's what friends do."


End file.
